My pride is ugly and sneaky. It shows up in “good” places, disguised with good intentions and it leaks. It causes me to prove myself. I’m always trying to prove myself. I need for people to take me seriously. When my pride is unchecked, it grows and stretches and pushes and suffocates all of the good stuff out of me until pretty soon, my self-esteem shrivels up and the next thing I know, I’m panicking because I just can’t seem to be good enough and I’m going unnoticed by the world.

In these moments, I feel the need to bury any struggle The World doesn’t want to hear – anything that doesn’t contribute to their headlines, their injustices. Soon, the little things pile on and on and on like playdough until soon I have a mishmash of colors twisted together in a lopsided ball that isn’t round enough to balance properly.  It’s exhausting.

This is why every single time I remember that God wants to hear me, I fall into His arms with relief. He wants me to come to Him and sit at His feet while asking Him for even my smallest desires. That baffles me. The World doesn’t want to know the petty little things. The World only wants to hear about my grandiose dreams and skills. The World wants me to be an inspirational idol at best or a mauder for their plights at worst. The World wants me to be something more or fail harder.

If it isn’t a story for worthy of a giant check from Ellen or a black and white horror photo for the cover of Times, it isn’t worthy.

 

The Good News is,

God designed me. He doesn’t want me or expect me to be anything more or anything less. The little things that burden my heart are not little in His eyes. Those struggles The World has deemed unworthy of tears? God will carry them for me. Worthy looks a whole lot better when viewed with God’s mercy.

 

The Father loves You.

 

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